For obvious reasons, most people prefer to watch movies that are actually good. Those familiar with the cult appeal of “so-bad-they’re-good” movies, though, are well aware that there’s a unique kind of charm in a film so silly, nonsensical, and ineptly made that it’s impossible not to have fun with it. Tommy Wiseau‘s passion project, The Room, is perhaps the king of such films.
The Room is the story of Johnny, a happy and successful banker from San Francisco (as Wiseau loves to remind the audience with a constant barrage of 2nd unit shots of the Golden Gate Bridge) whose life is suddenly turned upside down when his deceitful bride-to-be Lisa, embarks on a dangerous affair with his best friend, Mark. This story and its many moments of endearing idiocy form the basis of The Room‘s cult appeal, but another element from Wiseau’s script that’s been essential to the film’s timelessness is its dialogue. The characters from The Room speak like aliens who have never actually heard a human speak, and it makes for some of the most hilarious movie quotes ever heard in a theater. These are the best quotes from The Room, which are as clumsy and awkward as one would expect from this classic of bad taste.
- Release Date
- June 27, 2003
- Cast
- Tommy Wiseau , Juliette Danielle , Greg Sestero , Philip Haldiman , Carolyn Minnott , Robyn Paris
- Runtime
- 99 minutes
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10 “I’m going to do what I want to do, and that’s it. What do you think I should do?”
Said by: Lisa (Juliette Danielle)
Lisa is easily one of the worst movie villains of all time — at least in terms of writing quality —, but she’s also one of the most fun, purely because of how little sense her motivations, attitude, and speech make. Early in the film, she hops on a phone call with Mark, revealing they’re having an affair. Lisa then expresses her determination to take control of her life.
It’s a simple enough scene on paper, but the way it plays out is strange to the point of almost being surreal. Lisa claims that she feels her mother is trying to manipulate her and that she wants to do whatever she wants to do. Then, just about a second later, she asks Mark what that should be. It’s a hilariously goofy writing misstep on Wiseau’s part, and the way Juliette Danielle delivers it so nonchalantly makes it even funnier.
9 “Thank you, honey, this is a beautiful party! You invited all my friends! Good thinking!”
Said by: Johnny (Tommy Wiseau)
The events of The Room transpire throughout a period that’s impossible to decode but feels like not that long. This period culminates at Johnny’s apartment in the climax, where Lisa has invited all his friends to throw him a surprise birthday party (which is weird because they’ve already been having a massive fight by that point). Johnny, of course, is elated (which is also weird for the exact same reason).
When he comes into the room, Johnny seems to forget all about the fact that Lisa is saying he hit her (he did not). At one point during the party, Johnny even praises her intelligence for having invited everyone he cares about. It’s the kind of “tell, definitely don’t show” hilarity that makes up the whole basis of The Room‘s dialogue, and this is one of the most amusing instances.
8 “Hi, doggy.”
Said by: Johnny (Tommy Wiseau)
Since Johnny is pretty much a self-insertion of Wiseau, of course, he’s the most lovable and nearly perfect guy in all of San Francisco. He’s a good husband to Lisa, a good mentor to Denny, the shop owners’ favorite customer, and great with humans’ four-legged best friends. Indeed, after going into a flower shop and receiving praise from the owner (who initially didn’t recognize Johnny because he was wearing sunglasses, and who can recognize people when they’re wearing sunglasses?), Johnny greets the shop’s pug and leaves.
“Hi, doggy” is by far one of The Room‘s most quotable lines, a one-liner that can be applied pretty much whenever one pets a dog, no matter the time or setting. It’s so simple, but Wiseau has a unique talent to bring out the absurdity in even the most mundane. It’s also proof that at least this baffling vanity project wasn’t entirely a bizarre nightmare for everyone involved because what kind of movie set can be a joyless place when there’s a doggy hanging around?
7 “Ha ha ha, what a story, Mark.”
Said by: Johnny (Tommy Wiseau)
Many of The Room‘s most memorable moments take place on the rooftop of Johnny’s department building, from Denny being held at gunpoint by Chris-R to Lisa’s mom, Claudette, yelling at Denny for his irresponsibility even though she doesn’t know him. However, the infamous and endlessly memed conversation between Mark and Johnny about girls, which Mark is an expert on, is perhaps the most iconic.
Mark shares a harrowing story with Johnny about a girl he used to know who had a dozen guys until one of them found out and beat her up so bad she ended up in a hospital on Guerrero Street (why was knowing the location of the hospital important? No one knows). Johnny’s response? Laughing it off like Mark just told him an anecdote about a wild night at the pub. “What a story, Mark,” is what a true fan of The Room says when someone tells them something very, very serious.
6 “As far as I’m concerned, you can drop off the Earth. That’s a promise.”
Said by: Mark (Greg Sestero)
Funny though it may be in retrospect, it’s always worth remembering that in Tommy Wiseau’s mind, he was writing a modern American tragedy. In full modern American tragedy fashion, The Room ends with Johnny finding out about Lisa and Mark’s betrayal, feeling fed up with the world as a result. He locks himself up in his room, finds his gun, and takes his life. When they find Johnny’s body, Mark and Lisa are devastated and blame each other for what’s happened.
It’s a hilariously nonsensical phrase delivered at the most inappropriate moment, proving that there’s not a single bad moment to laugh at
The Room
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Mark promises that, as far as he’s concerned, Lisa can drop off the Earth. How exactly is that a promise? No one knows, but those kinds of enigmas are precisely what makes Wiseau’s writing so strangely fascinating, and The Room one of the most beloved bad movies of all time. Props to Greg Sestero for actually getting the scene done, at least. It’s a hilariously nonsensical phrase delivered at the most inappropriate moment, proving that there’s not a single bad moment to laugh at The Room.
5 “I got the results of the test back—I definitely have breast cancer.”
Said by: Claudette (Carolyn Minnott)
The Room has a surprisingly vast ensemble of characters coming and going (definitely many more than Wiseau could handle as a writer or director). One of the most memorable is Claudette, Lisa’s nosy and judgmental mother. Tommy clearly wanted the audience to sympathize with her to some degree, though. His solution? Give her cancer.
The thing about this plot point is that it isn’t a plot point at all. Claudette’s confession to Lisa that she has breast cancer is hilarious not only because of how casually she says it and how casually her daughter receives the information but mainly because her illness is never, ever brought up again in the story. This particular plot is something that The Disaster Artist, the James Franco biopic about Wiseau and the making of The Room, made sure to make fun of—and it’s not hard to see why.
4 “You are tearing me apart, Lisa!”
Said by: Johnny (Tommy Wiseau)
At some point during the narrative, for no seemingly good reason, Lisa decides to start spreading the rumor that Johnny hit her. When he finds out, he’s beyond angry and starts shouting at his partner and pushing her around. It’s not exactly the best way to prove that he’s innocent of domestic abuse, but that’s Johnny. In perhaps the most iconic moment from the film, he shouts, “You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!”
This line is, of course, a part-reference-part-plagiarism of one of the most famous scenes from Rebel Without a Cause. Alas, that scene was written by three talented screenwriters and played by the legendary James Dean, and The Room just has Tommy Wiseau yelling. This absolute gem of a scene is one of the reasons why The Room is so rewatchable, and it at least shows that the director at least had some level of film culture going into his directing debut.
Said by: Mark (Greg Sestero)
From “in a few minutes, b**ch!” to “I kill you, you bastard!” Wiseau’s magnum opus of terribleness is full of legendarily dumb clapbacks and insults. By far, the funniest, most nonsensical, and most bizarre comes when the mysterious Steven comes into Johnny’s apartment to find Mark and Lisa making out. He confronts them, to which Mark invites him to keep his stupid comments in his pocket.
One can only imagine what was going through Tommy Wiseau’s mind when he was writing the third act of The Room, which contains multiple of the movie’s dumbest lines of dialogue. This one in particular, despite Greg Sestero’s best efforts to make it work, is among the ones that make the least sense. That’s exactly what makes it so funny and one of the most quoted lines during midnight screenings of The Room.
2 “I did not hit her! It’s not true! It’s bullshit! I did not hit her! I did naaaht. Oh, hi, Mark.”
Said by: Johnny (Tommy Wiseau)
Another scene immortalized by the hilarious parody of The Disaster Artist is the aforementioned rooftop scene, which begins with Johnny’s infamous tantrum over finding out about Lisa’s outrageous allegations. Mixing the awfulness of the dialogue with Wiseau’s almost unearthly performance makes this brief outburst of anger one of The Room‘s most memorable moments.
Lines like this one make it impossible to take The Room seriously as a drama. Maybe it’s just because of Wiseau’s atrocious performance, but to be quite fair, not even Marlon Brando could have made this quote work. It’s yet another example of Wiseau’s philosophy of telling, not showing, and the fact that Johnny moves on to another part of the conversation with Mark so quickly after his yelling makes the line even funnier in retrospect.
1 “If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.”
Said by: Johnny (Tommy Wiseau)
There are countless iconic and endlessly quotable lines from The Room. Some are laughably stupid comebacks, others are creepy declarations of love, others are jokes that are hilarious due to how unfunny they are, and others are emotional outbursts that come out of nowhere and leave no room for subtext. But the best line that Tommy Wiseau has ever written, the moment that usually gets lots of claps from the crowd during midnight screenings, takes place during Johnny’s conversation with Denny on the rooftop.
Talking about his creepy crush on Lisa, Johnny assures him that she loves him too—but as a human being and a friend. His speech keeps going, assuring the young boy that everything in the world would be just a little better if everybody loved everybody. The Room might be one of the worst movies of the 21st century, but it also has heart to spare, and ultimately, that’s all that matters when it comes to making a film timeless. This one line is hilarious, sure, but it also shows that Wiseau’s heart was in the right place when he made what many would call the worst film of all time.
